The Journey Begins

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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This is what I have in my about me, but I figured I would have this as my journey begins into another chapter of my life and unfortunately without certain people who I never imagined my life without.. So here it goes, as you know my name is Ashley, I’m 29 years old, I have had my share of drugs, hate, love, sadness, misery, loss, addiction, recovery, and grief and more on my 29 years in this world. It has been one hell of a ride of my life and I have been through more then anyone could ever handle, my life has been like a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs but lately it has been more down then ever, I started using drugs at age 16, but at that time it was for fun, I got an addiction at age 21 and for 8-9 years old my life I was running into a lot of trouble, with being addicted, being homeless, doing everything I could to get that fix, I lost 9 years of my life from that horrible drug known to everyone as heroin, the devil in powder form, I fell in love with someone who was so toxic for me he himself was like my drug I couldn’t get enough of, it wasn’t until April of 2017 when I went on vacation to Florida where I met up with an old friend I went to high school with who I have known for 15 years, he was the first boy I ever hooked up with at age 14. I think I found my soulmate before me and him ever even knew it. We always kept in contact, he was always that friend that made sure I was okay, well we hung out in Florida and we kinda just fell in love, not right away but o think we always truly loved each other, let’s just say he was the one who saved me, from my addiction, my that toxic man I couldn’t get away from, from being a nobody to being a somebody, he took me away from all the bad things in my life, kinda took me in when nobody else would, and he certainly was my saving grace, that’s for sure, he moved me to Florida to get clean and become better, and I did, I got a job I had a home I had a good life with him and all the bad things in my life went away, we were happy. We had our moments and we certainly were not perfect but in my eyes he was perfect for me. But I had to come back home eventually, I have a 9 year old daughter who needed me, and I was finally free of so much I thought it was time I could come back and be okay, and I did, he then followed me back here a month after and it kinda wasn’t the best for him cus he didn’t have much here, he had a good job in Florida so he had to go back, but not before we had this fake wedding with my dad so he could walk me down the aisle and give me away to Anthony, my dad was sick and we didn’t know how long he was going to live, so then we had it and it was beautiful, Anthony then went back to Florida to work but he promised he would move back here for me once he got his inheritance and made enough money at work, we had so many goals and plans I couldn’t wait to marry him and have a life with him, his grandmother was sick and passed away and I had gone to visit him in Florida, he went into a depression and I stayed as long as I could but I didn’t wanna leave him, he started drinking too much and becoming angry and depressed but still stayed by my side even tho we were 7 states apart, my birthday was coming up and he wanted to come visit me, I thought it was too much for him so I asked him if he should wait another week but Anthony being anthony he wanted nothing more then to make me happy and visit me the weekend of my birthday, so he flew in late Friday night and we spent the whole night together and it was amazing he was telling me how proud he was of me and how much I changed and how better I became and it was all because of him, I don’t know where I would be at if he hadn’t came to my rescue. But we loved each other so much that night and when we laid in bed together and cuddled it was so amazing that I didn’t wanna get up to go to work but of course I had too, it felt too good to leave and I almost called out, I should have called out.. the way we held onto each other was as if it was going to be the last time, we went and had breakfast together, kissed each other and said I love you, and that I would see him when I got off work, but that was the last time i was ever going to see him alive.. so you see I lost the love of my life, my soulmate the one who got away, and then two weeks later I lost my dad, so it was a double hit for me, as if I got shot in the heart double the heartbreak.. now anthony was so strong in the beginning that his whole goal on this earth was to fix me and make me a better person and stronger, but while doing so he started becoming weak, he loved me so much that while he was making me stronger I was making him weaker.. and as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I indeed died that day anthony died when I found him, I got off of work to find him and I couldn’t save him, I was too late, and half of my heart died with him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, or how I could have changed things or all the what if’s in the world, cus in the end he’s still gone. And I was left here to pick up the pieces of my fragile yet broken heart and then again two weeks later when my father passes.. Anthony was supposed to be here with me and for me when my dad passed but I didn’t have either of them.. I may be a lot stronger then I once was and that’s all because of Anthony, but I am still dead inside, I lost a part of me that I never thought I would lose, I once told him I don’t know what I would do without him, and here I am.. without him and I still don’t know what to do without him. He was my forever, and then he was gone, he had all the answers, he was smart and intelligent and he knew how to balance me out, he knew how to control my craziness because lord knows I am crazy, and without him I feel like I literally am going crazy, but I still keep going and thriving and he always told me I can do anything I want as long as I go for it, he told me one day I am going to write a book, and I think that’s what I’m going to try to do eventually, I just didn’t think it would be on the death of my soulmate..


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